Another surgery...

Telling myself that
when this wait feels like a weight--
give it all to God.

Words of Wisdom (please share)

Hey all. I'm working on a new project and I would love to include the input from my audience. I'm calling out to each and every one of you. Here's what I need..

One nugget (or more if you like) of golden advice or wisdom.. I'm asking for you to sow any quotes, short stories, parables, or possibly something passed down through your family line that stuck with you through the years. These seeds I'm asking of you are to be sown on fertile soil so I'm also asking that you share this wisdom as if you were speaking to someone younger, someone you wanna help navigate through today's society, someone you love and/or wanna see do well. There are no right or wrong responses and every piece of wisdom given towards this is invaluable! Please keep in mind that this gift will cost you nothing to give and I truly believe that because it's intended to bless someone that in return you all will be blessed.

Thanks in advance to those that find it in them to share.

Look Up

I want that someone
who will look at me more than
he does his cell phone.

Social Media

You're afraid to be forgotten.
Worried that if you don't log in,
or update your status
that no one will remember you.
Avoiding the day
that your absence will go unnoticed.
It feels too much like death.
They call this an addiction,
you call it a habit.
Signing on
to feel connected to a disconnected world.
Truth is
you're already where you feared to be--
amongst the land of the walking dead,
because you did more to be remembered
than you do to be unforgettable.

Then and Now

Poets used haiku
to communicate short thoughts,
now we use hashtags.

What's meant to be...

Serendipity
is fate showing us that it
always has our backs.

Resourceful

I'll never be poor
because I'm fully aware
of all I possess.

Thots

"That Hoe Over There"
is the reason I'm single.
Standards-- go get some.

Haiku Sunday

I want that someone
to go to Applebee's with
just to share stories.
         
AND

I want that someone
to understand what that means
without explaining.

In a World

We live...

In a world
where we lost our girls
to being a thot.
Got them thinking it's hot,
when really it's not.
Not,
cute when their weave
meets their cheeks
or when his pants
hang down to the top of his sneaks.

In a world
where we say we want love--
constantly on that 'bae' watch.
Mistaking that love radiates from
our hearts and not through our crotch.
So it all becomes botched
and we think it can be repaired
with a piece of tape-- Scotch.

In a world
where we don't talk
because no one will listen.
And we use these measures
in order to stand above and to glisten.
Still not paying attention
to the fact that the victim is us,
dying to their system
that's always been based off of lust.

In a world
full of chasing
because we want to be the catch.
But we're too busy thinking like men
so like ladies we don't know
how to act.

And I just wanna go back
to a world where he's not just smitten,
but where he remembers that it was written..
that when he and I was created it was good,
and by his side is where I stood.

In a world
where our value was never
degraded
nor were we ever rated by our looks,
because it was always in our words
and in our power that made the earth shook.

In a world
where we weren't classified as
a vixen or thug,
a hoe or a pimp
and everything we said
was everything we meant.
Where we took back
what was stolen
and our egos weren't swollen.

In a world
where we were able to see
what God had always planned,
a virtuous woman being the
reflection of an honorable man.

And unfortunately this may not
be the world we live in today,
but I believe we can get back there
if stop following the culture
and take the time to just pray.

Keep On Moving

Time waits for no man,
so tell me pretty lady--
why ever would you?

Scents of Good Sense

Could it be possible to tell,
if somehow abstinence had a smell?

And if so,
is the fragrance sweet
or does it have an aroma of a challenge
men are unwilling to meet?

Often I've heard that sex you could sell,
but I've never been enlightened on whether
virtue had an ability to repel.

When the entrance into the love below
is no longer easily permissible,
does it make one overlooked
or possibly invisible?

See, don't get it twisted
the passions within still ablaze,
and the skills acquired
will leave him amazed.

And yes,
he'll be wanting
more and more
for days and days
to come..

But sexing is just exercise
when it's not done
with that very special someONE.

And I'm not sure if purity
will make it hard on one to date,
but when your vagina is valuable
be prepared and willing to wait...

And to stink--
with a stench
of patience and self control,
because that's what it smells like
when you're being made whole.

So if you're like me
and in their eyes you've become a skunk,
then please don't be ashamed
to embrace your funk.

An artist

I'm an artist..
which means I'm prone to love deeply,
and though I haven't yet found him
the desire for discovery takes place discreetly.

Receptive towards being found,
and if you give me a moment on that
I'll further expound.

I'm an artist..
so that means I embody the attitude of an alchemist,
always took delight in sharing the process
seeing the possibilities in the what others may miss.

A soul ready to surrender
to creative collaborations,
becoming one another's muse
simultaneously emanating inspirations.

I'm an artist..
willing to get lost just to step into the unknown,
living the adventure called life
yet no longer wanting to do it on my own.

There's a greater return when the one becomes two,
tenacity strengthened with every instance we stay true.
And that's why I poetically give of my gift,
speaking my hopes into the world so one day
they may exist.

I'm an artist..
a poet with a canvas and a painter with a pen,
writing pictures and drawing poems
until the heavens bring he and I together once again.

One Minute

Rehearsed what I would say
but silence left my lips.
Breezing like the wind,
yet wondering
why a girl like me just could not win.

Full of great intent
yet fear kept me content,
in a routine of nothingness.
Now I sit front row witnessing his bliss.

We get the choice.
And I heard the heavens saying that he was for me.

Fate pushed but I ran the other way,
Told myself that I could make a so-so situation okay.
Delay,
in what was obviously a relay for his affection.

Melancholy of a fool,
arriving a minute too late
because I had to keep my rep of playing it cool.
Or so I thought.

Love is blind--
I couldn't see.
I couldn't see.
I could not see.

And now my eyes won't shut
because he's more beautiful than I could have ever thought.
My fault--
immaturity doesn't readily heed the wise counsels advice,
so now I wish that those who knew what I didn't;
that they would have pushed me twice.

Gone in 60 seconds
made me fully aware that,
any moment beyond the whispers instruction
is potential for new love's destruction.

A midsummer night's wet dream

He addressed her biography,
enveloped her in his essay.
They stood undressed--
naked nouns.

Whispering his wants,
her hormones were heightened by his haiku.
He awakened her antonyms.

Enticed--
ignited by the way he chose to indite her.
She was gently guided by his grammar,
and he took no time to
poetically penetrate her with his prose.

Flowing in her verses--
they sweat sonnets.

Ventured verbs--
the sentences began to run off the sheets.
Turning the page--
composition change.

Together they created a climax,
and she was submerged in his synonyms.
Her well full of ink,
yet the residue from his pen
continued to drip non-fiction over her fairy tale.

Refreshed by her rhythmic rupture,
he sealed his journal.
And she love-stoned off his lyric,
fastened her diary.

Gazing back at one another,
they knew this was just the beginning
of them writing their midsummer night's
wet dream.

Imperfect Faces

I love an imperfect face.
Birth-marked,
age spotted,
or freckled.
The characters that tell the story of you.

Lip creases--
resembling the joys you've experienced
and the loves you have known.

Facial hair full of wisdom,
and the forehead lines of a thinker.
Eyes deeply set
or perhaps unequally spaced.
What the world rejects,
sets you apart from the rest.
The curves of your cheeks,
the radiance of your smile.

Strong facial features--
you were born to mirror
the appearance of kings and queens.

Every flaw was designed;
your nose is unique.
Thick lips,
to me always seem to produce the sweetest kisses.

Dark circles--
are badges of persistence,
so wear them with pride.
Because perfection is a lie,
and insecurities are never really hidden.
Leave off the mask
for your beauty is seen without the additives,
and make up is only a temporary fix.

Your face is alluring;
it's what makes you-- you.
Pure and natural,
from the day you were made.

I believe beauty is truly found in the eye of the beholder.
And I see you;
and I love what I see--
every feature of your perfectly imperfect face.

The Space In Between

What I'd really like to know--
is the distance between the closing of a door
and the opening of a window?

Just perhaps spatially speaking--
you and I are even closer
to what we've both been seeking.

.............true love...............

The Haiku Blues

Once upon a time
he was the inspiration
behind my poems.
...............................

Hoped one day he'd see
way beyond his LCD
that I do exist.
...............................

Supported his gift;
seated in the audience
as more than a fan.
................................

Him, more than a muse
and eons from just a crush
he had me smitten.
.................................

His hair is long locked
though I figured out his heart
required the key.
.................................

Learned a thing or two
about what I value most--
communication.
..................................

Maybe this is it,
the last poem I will write
for his attention.

I am Me

I am who I am;
a sapiosexual--
aroused by the mind.

Life Changer

Writing is about
becoming so transparent
that your words change lives.

..or at least for me it is.

My sick parent

You really never know what it's like to live and care for a sick parent until you have to do it. My mother was diagnosed with lupus in the early 90's. I remember being young and very uneducated about this condition so I immediately assumed that that was in other words a death sentence for her. When my mother was 18 years old she gave birth to me and 3 months afterwards, she lost her mother to this disease. I grew up with this intense fear of turning 18 because like I said I was young and I had convinced myself that I would lose my mother at that time as well. Through God's grace, it's been 15 years since and my Mom is still here!

For the last 2-3 years though she has been suffering from severe lupus complications which changed her lifestyle completely. She has undergone almost 10 surgeries and at this point she's practically being admitted into the hospital on a month to month basis. I moved in with her once she first starting coming out of remission in order to provide her support during this time. This has truly been one of the most challenging experiences of my life as I'm sure she can say the very same. It breaks my heart because the woman who gave birth to me; the strongest woman I know, now is in need of help from me and some very patient nurses. (quick shout out to nurses)

At times, I see having a sick parent as both a gift and a curse. Through her suffering I get to watch the hand of God at work. She has been near death on a few occasions but I've been made a witness to see Him heal her and bring her through. I'm honored to have a front row seat to these miraculous works but like I said, it also feels like a curse. I sometimes feel guilty for wanting to restore my independence from this situation. I want to make a life for myself, meet and marry my husband, make babies and maybe even more somewhere tropical but I feel like I can't do any of this because I'm obligated to care for the one person who has always cared for me.

Sunday night, I watched her be taken away in the ambulance again and let me tell you something-- this never becomes comfortable. I often appear stoic but on the inside I'm petrified that this could be the last time she'll be home. I try very intensely to keep calm because I feel like her and my brother need to me to be strong when times get tough for us. I really don't know what I would do if I lost her. I have faith that God will get me through and I know I'll have no other choice but to trust and stand on that. In my mind, I can not fathom how I would still function as a sane human being. I watch my peers that I know lost their mothers and in some way or another, these people manage but they're never the same as they once were. I truly believe you lose a part of yourself.

For me personally, every time she is in the hospital for an extended stay I begin having bouts of anxiety. The stress affects my body even when I'm not aware of it. On a few occasions I've even visited the ER because the symptoms had gotten so bad.

Living with and caring for a sick parent is hard. I don't wish this on anyone because it hardens you and weakens you at the same time. Watching her being taken away on the gurney doesn't get comfortable but it also shouldn't feel routine. My mind is becoming conditioned to not feel although I'm full of emotion. When she left  the other night, the first thing I should have done was to drop down on my knees and pray for her health but I didn't do that. I came into my room and logged onto my social media sites. I understand fully that my body did that in attempt to cope with what was going on. It wanted to escape reality for a moment but my spirit coached me to come before God although I was afraid to do so because I would have to face my fear.

I would have to address that I have no control over whatever the outcome may be once she got to the hospital. I have no say on how this will play out. It's in the not knowing! ..and that's the problem. Speaking to God would mean that I'll be putting everything in His hands, including myself. I would have to let Him break through the tough exterior so that the true pain can be exposed. I don't know about you but for me dealing with my truth doesn't always feel good. And God being God, I know that He will require my complete honesty. So I prayed this prayer:

God,
I don't know why You chose me to have a sick mother. I don't know what Your plan is and the unknown when it comes to this, rocks my being. I have very few people in my life and when the person that means the most to me is down, I feel free and empty. I'm conflicted on the inside. I'm burdened but it's becoming so familiar to live this way that that too scares me. I need You. We need You. Mom is not well and shoot, neither am I. I know her health issues are not mines and I know that I can only provide her with so much care before I cross into areas in which I don't belong. Help me to do my part during this time. Even if that means the only thing I can give to her is prayer. I ask that everyone on the staff at the hospital will be in tune with the care of their patients. I ask that my mother is not just another patient they have to 'deal with' before they end their shift. I ask that the doctors and the nurses will all work on one accord, that they may line up with the voice of wisdom that you have graced them with. I pray that my mother doesn't feel alone during this time. I pray that she doesn't feel hopeless but that You will fill her with the strength and wear with all to push another day. Remind her that she still has a purpose so that she may not become so weary in her body that depression sets in. May You heal her from the inside out heavenly Father. God I ask that You lift the burdens off of me. Help me to accept my reality and to stop running from You. I know that sickness is apart of life, so help me to see it as so. Help me to see the good and not the bad all the while continuing to be real to myself. Help me to allow myself to feel everything that I feel. I pray to no longer mask my emotions in this area because putting on a front doesn't benefit me or those around me. Make me soft when I need to be God so that I can wail out to you. Let me not confuse having faith with having it all together. I ask that You forgive me for even trying before now. Amen.

So if you or anyone you know is out there who too is or has experienced living with a sick parent then I would love to hear from you. A small conversation can cast the greatest amount of support.

One day

One day I'll be old
and none of this foolish stuff
will even matter.

The Single's Conundrum

So here's the thing: God could very well be instructing that man or woman that you've been praying for to come into your life to actually come into your life. But see in all of His magnificence, He also gifted us with free will. So they (just as you and I) have the right to obey or to disobey those whispers. If your prayers aren't being answered during your season of singleness it doesn't mean that God isn't hearing you; it could mean that your counterpart is the one not doing the listening. And if you're honest with yourself, is that really someone you want to end up with?

A Love Story?

A love story?
My love story?
No!

I wanted to write one but I hadn't any inspiration for quite awhile.
I had no point of reference; nothing worthwhile.
My love life was bleak and I hadn't a thing to convey,
I even tried finding revelation from a cute little cliche...

'All is fair in love and war,'
'Love conquers all,'
or even it's
'Better to have loved and lost then to never had loved at all.'

See, truth be told I was actually quite jaded,
I couldn't fathom why the discussion on
that thin line between love and hate
had never been thoroughly debated.
Because at the time I was watching my love for love
slowly begin to fade from rejection.
And my connection for affection,
needed an immediate resurrection.

Then from the heavens
came a voice that was stern and sincere.
It suggested that,
"in the meantime while you're awaiting on
what you think love is to come near.
I want you to listen carefully,
because here's what you'll do,
love and find Me because I'm
the only One who makes all things new."

Immediately afterwards
there was this vibration of elation;
the truth had become apparent.
Love in it's purest form is about me becoming
more transparent.
I mean,
this love thing required that I open up some layers.
Love was looking a lot like home because
I swear it had rooms, a kitchen and even some stairs.

"Love IS a house!
And you've got the key!
So open up and let me into your heart,
baaabby!
Love is a...."

In the past
I thought in order for love to last
that I had to put up a fight.
Immaturely I dimmed my own light in order to make us bright.

..and somehow I thought that was right.

Never did I just STOP.
To take the time to realize that love is God
which means God is love
and this thing called love only comes from up above.

The love I had been neglecting it had come and it found me,
and it cleaned me up so well it left no signs of debris.
And from the looks of things,
new beginnings sure do look good on me.

Because I'm smiling more;
I have a whole lot more to live for.
And not only do I receive but I also gracefully give love now.
Guess what else!?
I also broke that "I will never love again" vow.

..I know, I know.

My heart and soul has been woken up,
and within me the passion of Christ has truly erupt.
And this very love story was only written because
I've been loving me some of you..
..and some of you..
..and yes, even some of you too..

I admit that I once was burned,
but for me that has only become a lesson learned.
Because today I follow a Man who is holy-- He tells no lies.
He gives me time to heal and doesn't judge any of my cries.

My heart has been hidden in the depths of thy King,
so I silenced the thoughts that only equated love to being
the receiving of a ring.

And since I know everything is done according to
His purpose and His plan,
just as I know He's prepping me,
I believe He's also preparing my future husband.

Because love is predetermined
and we can't beat fate.
You've just gotta learn the art of contentment
and practice having faith while you wait.

So in the end I hope that you all receive
the moral of the story,
because I've made you a witness to
see how love showered me with goodness
and cloaked me in its glory.

Today love is much easier for me
to live, to write and to talk about,
all from the discovery that it was God's love
I couldn't do without.

A love story?
My love story?
Yes!

Him

You're the beginning of a perfect verse.
You feed people truth that needs not be rehearsed.
You encourage giving back to one's own community,
and you have brought out the very best from within me.

You speak out from the abundance of your heart.
You give life to words and you give hope a start.
You teach others to have a voice of their own,
and when I fear the unknown,
you feel like home.

You, feel like home..

You're the still in the midst of the night,
where the soul challenges the body to become forthright.
You would share your very last penny,
if you knew it would help to advance the lives of many.

You put my feet back on the ground.
Through your spoken words my gift has been found.
You speak my language of love and poetry--
and though you did it unknowingly,
you saved me..

Haiku 10

Resistance is real
because opposing forces
are always present.

Loving Myself

Shhh.
Come close.
Tell me,
can you hear that?

It's the sounds of a sound mind,
because not only am I hearing better
but I'm also listening this time.

And though,
some days I struggle
I know ultimately this is my gift.
Wait.
Move in a little closer,
because I want you to get a full whiff.

That's the smell of my freedom
and the lost of the world's control.
Been in line with His word
so He taught me how carry out this new role.

Hold on.
Look closely.
Tell me,
can you see it now?
Because if your eyes are still wide shut,
then I doubt you can see how.

How remaining ignorant may sometimes
feel like it's bliss,
but walking in faith is the only way out of an abyss.

And personally I wondered why I couldn't
feel His touch.
Until I realized that I hadn't been feeling
me so much.

I was yearning to get right but my heart had nothing left.
I was quick to blame others but unconsciously
I'd been committing my own spiritual theft.

Wasn't until I opened His book
and got into His face.
That I was able to make a turn
and enter into a healthier space.

Where my senses became heightened
because I've been fine tuned.
And no matter how off I may have been
I was never marooned.

So no more waging a war
towards a battle that should not be fought.
Because I know now that
loving myself feels better than I thought.

Haiku 9

Glad that haikus count
or this thirty for thirty
would've been finished.

Haiku 8

I want that new love
where the both of us get fat
from being happy.

Thoughts --> Imagination

Sometimes when I'm all alone I have these thoughts that race through my head in efforts to prepare me for my next piece.
And no matter where I am at that very moment, I imagine myself sitting down in complete silence with my pen and pad conjuring up ways for me to release..

My anxieties, fears and sometimes even stress.
In order to find new ways for me to express my emotions towards all of life's commotions while maintaining healthy spiritual devotion.

And often when I'm deep into my imagination I get this incredible sensation that runs completely through me. The only way to properly describe this feeling is through a quote I once heard in a movie:

"There's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much that my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst."

And it's in those few seconds I'm reminded that no matter how dry my mouth, I will always have this ability to quench my own thirst. Because it is I who has all the answers to the questions that my heart seeks. You see, it is me...

No wait, that's all wrong.

It is Him who allows me to choose strength during the times when I feel weak. So when I open my eyes I'm at no surprise because in my reality I've always been a seed a vitality. An embryo of vigor, always growing bigger and bigger.

Which allows me to take what I've learned from my mental vacation and I use it as way to drive my creative stimulation. And beginning from the very moment I sit down and I begin to write the topic on hand may change again and again.

Because my thoughts lead way to imagination-- a great escape. And in my mind there's no true shape, form or limitation as to what I can create. And the use of adjectives, synonyms and rhymes well those are just helpful instruments for me to execute the perfect lines.

My creativity has always had this genuine proclivity towards the truth and writing has been my passion in every form or fashion since my youth. So when I'm all alone and thoughts begin to race through my head preparing me for my next piece.

I know that I can decide to use either caprice as my fuel or my God given ability to simply close my eyes and use imagination as my tool.

Skips a Beat

My heart skipped a beat.

A beat so sweet
because through it flowed my life's force.
And I'm ready for a love that don't need to be forced.
In fact,
I want opposite of just that.

Where my heart skips beats,
and my boat goes afloat.
I mean,
I want to gloat
on and on about how he rocks my world.

A world that at times can seem so empty
will then be plenty-

..full..

Because I'm full.
Full off of him,
so much so that I can't even think of what it was
like before then.

Back when
my heart wasn't skipping beats
and with every "new" person I met,
it somehow felt like a repeat.

A time when I was drowning,
my face was frowing
and I was without a smile.
And believe it or not for awhile,
that's how I lived.
But that's the past and I'm not trying to have it relived.

Because I'm ready to be happy,
and that may sound sappy
to my folks who don't want to hear it.
Because when love came their way they weren't
trying to come near it.
But see I don't fear it.

Because love is writing my story
and it's showed me that through hitting rock bottom
is where you'll begin to receive His glory.

Glory that feels like favor,
though it could be grace.
Because in that icebox of a space,
is now a heart that is skipping beats.

Instead of playing the same old tune,
a pitiful
ba-boom, ba-boom.

Nah, this feeling I choose it,
and everything outside of it,
I lose it.

Because my heart is doing a new thing,
while it prepares itself for the love that he will one day bring.

Eye Hear You

Into your eyes
I drifted,
fully lifted
and high off of you.

Lost myself completely..

And every time I glanced
your way,
without words from
your mouth I could hear your
eyes say,
"I want you."

And I felt it too..

Cause your soul shouted,
all the while
mines doubted.

Could your intentions be pure,
broken relationships plagued my heart
with disease--
so I questioned,
could you be the cure?

Because when I looked into your eyes,
I saw the future awaiting to begin.
You instantly felt like home and baby,
I was ready to come in...

..to
those eyes
that told no lies,
in fact to me they only advised..

That I leave it on you to now do the pursuing,
so you can show to me
how a good woman deserves all of your wooing.

Pretty brown eyes capable of promising
the gift of tomorrow and the best of today.
And I believe fully that your eyes spoke
everything I heard them say.

30 for 30

He said that if you write it
then they would read it,
and truth be told I really wanted to believe it.
Though right now I don't know that to be true,
because I've never had a fan base
and my friends are limited to only a select few.

Been told that a tree that falls in the
forest will still make a sound,
and that that takes place despite anyone else being around.

..to hear it.

So does my poetry go to waste if I have no one
who wants to take the time to come near it?
Should the curtains be closed or the towel be thrown,
if my writing is only for an audience of just myself alone?

Often I wonder if it's not just my talent
but it's me that goes unappreciated.
Yet I'm sure that's just another internal conversation
that needs to be debated.

Because like I said,
I heard Him say it.
He said that if I write it
then they..
Or that you,
would read it.
And me being trustworthy
well I really want to believe it.

So as I bring this piece to a close
without becoming too wordy,
I promise to continue to write for whomever is out there,
supporting me as push myself to complete this 30 for 30.

Haiku 7

If my dreams were real
and what was real were a dream,
I'd be with you now..

Treasure

There you were,
deep, deep, deep
into my treasure.

But I let you in..

I allowed you to see and share my ineffable place.
Alongside me,
you and I walked the path that led to my innermost being.
You weren't lost nor were you afraid,
because you also felt that every way was the right way to go.

Deep, deep, deep
into my treasure
you witnessed the direction the springs flowed intensely
and you seemed overwhelmed by the depths thereof.
There was no presence of shallowness because these were the waters of real.
And on the other side of the trees we promised not to cross,
yet the sounds of enchantment were ever so enticing.

There you stood,
a stranger in the midst of my treasure
and I was more than glad to have invited you in.

The petals of blossomed life gave the eye more than what it asked.
At last,
I had someone to experience this all with.
In now what I was willing to call OUR wonderland of wondrous amazement,
I wondered if you were ever really happy there...

There,
deep, deep, deep
into my treasure.
Eden nor Elysium could compare to the heaven
I felt within this secret space of infinite boundaries.

A perfect accident and the claims were immediately in order,
with you I could see the face of our unborn daughter.
Until I heard the voices of reason
warning me that my treasure was under treason.
Consequently I was under siege,
because someone that I thought I could believe,
had their hands on my booty.

The evanescence of colors that shined from nature's bliss,
we held hands and reminisced on all that we had missed.
No list,
just mental visions of that fairy tale first kiss.
In the air I could smell,
no,
I could taste the deliciousness of the beauty all around.
But who were you really,
"a faithful man.. who can find?"

This place that once shined a light unknown to man is now full of dark.
Covered by a fog that had become so thickened by the steam
that only you and I created.
Right?
Maybe so.
Maybe not.

And today I went to check in on my treasure,
unsurprisingly not a flower has bloomed.
Because the water had run dry,
and I could not try
to replicate God's work with the tears from my cry.

I also looked for you but you were no longer there;
nowhere in sight.
No shades of purple colors,
only the still that rests upon the night.
A skyline without a cloud and yet still full of gray.

Abandoned with an unburied and empty treasure chest nestled upon the sand.
And I'm the only one to blame because it was me that let you,
deep, deep, deep
into my treasure.

And you came for it all.

Wine and Poetry-- An Ode to Rose

Rose is red,
And I'm no longer blue.
The stress has gone away,
And it's all because of you.

Time

With the precious time given,
I decided to do some soul searching
and live a different kind of living.

I had to look myself in the mirror
and come to terms with what I see.
I had to learn how to accept and to love me for me.

Been blessed with the gift of emotional identification
and self healing,
learned through practice to be honest about what I was feeling.

Because my soul had become sick and tired
of being sick and tired
so it was then that I knew my past had to be retired.

I became my very own friend,
and allowed the time for my broken heart to mend.

Heard that life was short and time is limited at the very least,
so I faced my giants head on and slayed the savage beast.

And every now and then when I glance at my reflection,
I see this new person that's finally headed in the right direction.

An emptiness had been filled and my heart no longer void,
my cup runneth over from my soul being overjoyed.

There was a spiritual battle that He told me was not mine,
and He promised we'd win and for me to just make good with this time.

So now I return the invites to party with Satan,
because a once crooked path has now been straightened.

And when the Lord starts calling or my clock stops ticking,
I'll be singing praises on my way home and I won't go kicking.

Unmotivated

It took me all day to come up with this piece.
I mean,
it gave me absolutely no peace
cause I wanted to write something fresh and something new.
Something you could go home and spit to your boo
but unfortunately for me nothing was coming through.

Granted the fact that I even locked myself up in the room
until I thought of what it was that I needed to say,
yet this one right here still took me damn near all day.

And I had the option to write
about life, strife, the crazy and the lazy.
You know,
the people--
those that come and those who go,
the money or lack of and what it is that we have to show.

I just couldn't put my fnger,
the thoughts wouldn't linger.
In my mind,
this time--
I actually had a hard time coming up with words that rhyme
or made any sense...
Felt a little dense,
cause I was at a lost (or a lose?)
Didn't know the proper vocabulary to choose.

Felt slightly unmotivated,
debated on if I should even be here before you.
Said to myself,
"hell wit it,
spit it."
But the canvas is blank.
Feels like I set out for shore and my ship almost sank.

Just couldn't feel it through me.
Oh my,
I wonder why.
I can't or I won't,
I did but I don't.

I know it sounds like a ramble,
a gamble with the minutes of here and now.
Wow,
this is unusual because this hasn't happened in awhile.
Kinda feels like a scene from 8 mile..
I'm feeling sick,
got a sudden tick...
Tock,
steady watching the hands on the clock,
got it make it pop
and go bam!!

Man, damn.

I just want to show you my best,
so forget getting any rest,
my calling is to write what's right
even if that means I'm a be up all night.

So where do I start?
How do I get these words out
and translate to you what's in my heart?

I know can always begin with family,
close friends,
or sin.
I can give you a taste of heaven
or a bite or hell,
maybe I'll just cry out for those behind a cell.

Well...

I can talk about Obama or Bush,
or burning that Kush.

Throw ya lighters in the air!!
..nah, see me no care.

I can talk about NY or A,
a little Chi or the Bay.

I'm down to my 23rd hour with
only one more to go.
Oh no!
Then I gotta take the time to talk about
them niggas who act like niggers,
pulling triggers and taking lives.
While we have soldiers dying overseas
leaving behind wives.

I guess it doesn't matter what I say
 just as long as I speak up
and speak loud
while I'm rocking the crowd.

Because I mean,
I've already spent my entire day
feeling unmotivated
thinking that my sunshine soon would be shaded.

But baby
I'm gonna shine because
oops,
I did it again one more time.

I took words that didn't match or mix
left alone those things that didn't need a fix.
Got the perfect words out without saying a thing,
I hit a sweet melody and I don't even sing.

Shh,
truth be told I'm feeling like a just put it down.
Exercised the proper use of a noun,
with the addition of a verb.
And though this one right here internally
struck a nerve.
It got me on the verge
of just being ghost
so I'm gonna pass this mic right here
back to our host.

Because today,
I obviously don't have too much to say..
I'm unmotivated.

Haiku 6

With the gas this high
I expect to see my car
take off into flight.

Plague

How do we as women,
stop falling victim to the condition
of being way too forgiving?

I get that we value our relationships
and we've invested the time.
Opened up our hearts and
shared our body and our minds.

And even when we know that it's not right
we make up every excuse in the world.
Knowing full well that no man
should disrespect any black girl.

No man should lie to the face
of the one that he claims to love.
It's time to set the bar,
and expect to see him rise above.

This is a plague of low self esteem.
Lied to ourselves so long
that we began to fall for the dream.

That.

..'One day he'll be mine'..
..'What's not right now will one day be fine'..
..'I've got to be patient and just give him some time'..

So his behavior is accepted and
we try to tell ourselves that everything
is all good.
Life becomes stagnant
because we reside in the
should of, could of, woulds...

But not quite.

A wise man once said that a woman could
hear something and process it completely different.
Could know that isn't but convince herself
that it is it.

Which makes me ask myself,
is this disease
a matter of being naive,
or are we as women just prone to wanting to
believe?

So we could later tell ourselves
that we're becoming better and not bitter.
Conceal our true feelings to him
yet vent about them to strangers on Twitter.

Convince ourselves that we do it
because we've been taught that grudges
aren't meant to be held on.
So we brush it under the rug
in an attempt to move on.

All the while
the statistics rise higher and higher
because yet again we accepted false truths from a liar..

..scars from a beater.
..suspicions from a cheater.

Plagued by the thought that
we have the upper hand.
Because instead of being single
we can at least say that we have a man.

Just know that each time we forgive
and forget,
that it's us who suffers through another dose of regret.

Another heartache felt
all because of the cards that we
unconsciously dealt.

Remember that forgiveness is to be
given with the notion that the same
mistake won't be repeated.
The heart was designed to only take so much
before the spirit becomes depleted.

So women I beg
that we take the time in finding a cure,
and stop falling victim
of forgiving way too premature.

Haiku 5

To me he is fly
with his salt and peppered beard
and deep seated eyes.

Haiku 4

When least expected
a wind of inspiration
will blow you away.

His Rib

And to him,
I am his rib.

His love for me will surpass mountaintops.
His desire to hold on to me forever won't come as a task,
for his heart will want to provide for all that my heart shall ever ask.

The word love hasn't enough power to describe the way he will truly feel
because this connection between man and woman will be surreal.
Like I will feel the glow of the sun before it crosses my awakening face
and in this place of our togetherness,
I will embrace the man that God has chosen for me.

The clouds and the stars will begin to take shape
in knowing that our fate has been manifested.
The birds and the bees will be of ease,
the trees and the leaves will be the gatekeepers
to the silent still breeze.

Cause you see,
when I am with him and he is with me,
then for eternity I internally will be cloaked in passion.
Conception of erotic affections will later consume us too,
for I was designed to please only him.
Ahh,
as if I can somehow right now feel the warmth of his skin.

For all that I lack this man will back.
And for all that he needs,
I will gracefully sow the seeds.
Time will be of no interest and space of no concern.
In turn,
he has me and I have him.

Fairy tales run nowhere near close.
Neither fantasy nor fiction could do justice as to a prediction
of our "happily ever after."

For even in the life hereafter,
two souls
will stand at the gates made of pearl and streets made of gold.

Face to face with our Maker,
we wouldn't break accord.
Because on bended knee before the Lord,
we shall give thanks with no ad-lib.
Cause to me he is my Adam
and to him,
I am his rib.

Haiku 3

If only he knew
that my heart could be just his
if he asked for it.

I love you

..dedicated to the man of my future..

I love your scent.
I mean,
I love the way that you smell.
Hell,
I'm satisfied with it all.
You're a perfect fit for me,
not too small and about yay tall.

I love your style.
I mean,
I love the way you maintain your cool
but behind bedroom doors
you get buck wild.

I love your face.
I mean,
I think you're fly.
The way you lick your lips and
wink your eye.
With a caramel complexion--
skin that's been kissed by the sun,
and this is just the beginning
because I'm nowhere near done.

I can go on about how much
I love the way that you taste.
I mean,
your kisses are like honey.
Okay, I get that you think that may sound a tad bit funny.
But baby,
when you're in my presence,
you make all of my days sunny.

And I love your glow.
I love how you know
all the right things to say.
You make gay!
No, for real,
gay like my days are no longer gray
and if you stay
then I pray,
that our love will conquer all..

Because
I love your touch.
I mean,
I love how your eyes
don't speak but they
say so much.

I love you from head to toe,
and you may ask, "Well, how do you know?"
It's because I pray for you more than I do me,
and in your arms I could lie eternally.

Truth is,
I love all that you possess.
I confess..

At night I watch you sleep,
not to be misinterpreted like I'm some psycho creep.
It's simply for me to get one more peek,
before I myself,
begin to count sheep.

And I love your name.
I mean,
the way it rolls off my tongue.
And by now,
you may think
that I'm a tad bit sprung.

But this love right here
is a breath of fresh air,
brings me back to being a girl
experiencing her very first teenage love affair.

So I guess what I'm saying
is that I love your everything.
I mean,
I love you completely.
And I'll show you how much more
behind closed doors
a little more discreetly
because...

I love you.

Addict

I am
to him
like 
a drug.

A hit of ecstasy,
sniff of cocaine,
better yet
an inhale
of his sweet
Mary Jane.

 I
seep
deep
into his
brain.

My
love potion
#9
makes him
wild--
he borderlines
insane.

Addicted
to me.
Exactly where
I knew
he'd be.

But
don't blame me
for his
addictive
behavior.

Tried to
warn him
from the start
that my love
was too
much
for one
to savor.

So now,
just do me
this one
favor.

Breath in.
Breath out.

Do you think of me?

Do I ever cross your mind?
Do you ever wish that I would appear
and together we could spend some time?

Do you think of me..
Because often I miss you.
I reminisce of our past and the experiences
that we've been through.

Not every thought is
warm and sweet,
and sometimes I wondered what it'd
be like if we were to never meet.

But the question asked
is clear as day..
Maybe you think of the things I would once say?
Or maybe even the way we would once play?

Do you think back to when I told you
how I valued you as a friend?
When we promised one other
that our love would never end?

Or perhaps you think of me
when you reach for your phone,
somewhere in the back of your mind
you hear the way I used to moan..
the way we used to sweat,
the way you would make me wet..
or was I just that easy for you to forget?

Do you ever think of would it might be like now,
do you contemplate on how,
if we were to have taken it slow,
how much more of each other we would've gotten to know.

Sometimes when I think of you and me,
my heart begins to race rapidly.
A breakout of palpitations and a cold sweat,
from unconsciously holding on to the pain of past regret.

And today I missed you
but you obviously didn't feel the same,
with no one to blame but myself.
Cause when I could have chosen to go right,
I'd followed you left.

So again I ask-- do you think of me,
or are you too proud to chase what is now a memory?

Haiku 2

Off on the weekend
So I use Haiku to cheat
Back at it Monday

Haiku

Don't stop giving truth
Even when it's not received
Keep on being true

Baby girl

To my baby girl,

I haven't yet met you but
you are already the center of my world.
My spirit knows you well,
in your smile and bright eyes is where I dwell.

Baby girl I want you to know that I need you too,
because I become a better person
through maturing and developing for the sake of you.
I experience the life that I never thought I would,
I mean, who would've thought that I'd embrace motherhood..

I fell in love with watching you begin to take form,
and waited patiently for you to make your appearance
so that I could put into practice
these new talents that God has called me to perform.

Yes, baby girl
you are the best of my life,
a true reflection of 
what's within me that is good and right.

My gift from God that I named as such,
haven't yet held you in my arms
but in my heart I feel your touch.
You are the ending and start of who I was and who I am,
and though I never thought that I'd experience this kind of love
God always knew you were a part of the plan.

You're sweet and funny for no reason at all,
and I take delight in your little laugh
because you have such a big personality to be so small.
I race home everyday to see you look up at me,
and I am greeted with nothing but the love
and admiration you have for your "Mommy".

I'm praying already that I get it right,
so that I may impart righteousness and truth in you
that leads you to His light.
My assignment is to make sure you have a relationship
with your Father
and that you know Him well,
to teach you His essence
so that you may follow His will.

Dearest baby girl,
as your Mother I encourage you to always be free
to be authentically you,
and I promise today to give you my love
no matter what we may go through.
 

Passing me by

Taken straight from a scene
in a movie
he smiled, passed by
and the essence of him
moved me.

Coco caramel complected,
eyes bright and in them
the image of me reflected.

My heart still slightly
defected,
but could he see it?
My prince in pauper's attire,
could he be it?

Better yet my knight in shining
armor,
believing that possibly this
was some of my good karma.

Because the heavens have eyes..

And it's known that God orders
each and every step,
so I bet
that our paths crossing
was of no coincidence at all.

Standing before him was
a young woman with a want,
not a need.
That he was the one chosen
to possess the deed.

...to my heart.

That he the key master would
allow this gatekeeper to play her part.

Gently he knocked and he tapped,
and within a short amount of
time he had me wrapped
up in..

The perfect words spoken
with a charismatic tone,
when he spoke it was as if no
one else existed and we were all
alone.

Taken straight from a scene in a movie,
the essence of him moved me...
But maybe just a little too far.

Because his prose has a purpose
and he's passionate for his passion,
with an unwavering demand on his life
his time he has to ration.

And just like that
I'm another girl who doesn't get the guy,
taken straight from a scene in a movie
where he smiles and continues to pass me by.

Afraid

I was afraid.

Not that I would fail but that I would succeed,
that I would be forced from my comfort zone
uncomfortably.

That I would get all the things that my heart desired,
and I wouldn't be able to make excuses
of why I could not ignite my own fire.

I was afraid of growth
but I heard the Spirit calling on me.
Constant reminders to not miss
even the smallest opportunity.

I had often thought of walking on water
but I was always too afraid to drown.
So many times before
I have been let down.

And yes,
that was another excuse
to not push on.
Just so I can question the future or stay stuck
in the past
where I had been scorn.

The present was my gift but I was afraid
to open it up,
scared that the effort I put forward
may not have been enough.

So I chose to procrastinate
somehow each and everyday.
In order to avoid stepping aside
and getting out of my own way.

One night I had a dream
and it was oh so clear.
An angel appeared and said the
life I wished for was coming near.

"Be afraid no more,
carry out the purpose
He created you for.

Bless your community and inspire
the world.
Write to enlighten the children
every boy and every girl.

Be afraid no more."
Just do it was his demand.
Then this angel gently
took me by the hand.

He walked me closer to the light
and whispered,
"trust in God and everything
will be alright."

And just before he kissed me upon my head,
the words
"be afraid no more",
once again was quietly said.

Then I arose in the spot
where I had laid,
dropped to my knees and
immediately I prayed.

Thanked Him for the courage and promised
my goals would no longer be delayed,
and it was from that day forward
I lived life no longer afraid.

this girl called LOVE

Today He called me LOVE.

He said that I make up the rules and it's all in my hands.
As shocked as I may have been, He whispered,
"Don't be surprised because you've known it all along. The love you've been craving,
it's who you were born to be My child, and now you are ready."
The greatest love is seeing beyond yourself and other people, it's seeing through them to their soul.

Today He called me LOVE.

Not just a mere sentiment but the truth which holds His law.
He shined His light and said,
"From the darkness you have been delivered so get up and walk."
This is an extraordinary move He has asked me to make but He said I could do it because,
I'm EXTRAordinary and that's nothing new.
The nickname "Infinity" was such a precise choice for me to make because it's who I always was and it reflects His Divine Love which is also infinite and mysterious.

Today He called me LOVE.

So together we wait ahead wanting you all to catch up because we know in the ending there is always love.

With a heart of acceptance, yet still I protested,
"Father isn't love something you feel?"

Quickly He replied,
"No it isn't my child; it's what you become. I watched you at your happiest when I knew you had nothing and during that time you allowed the unknown to cast a new life. You've bravely decided to not cling to the past and I watched you rid yourself of expectations and foolish hopes. You stopped fearing the fear of the unknown, and it's been shown because today I called YOU love. My daughter, life is fleeting and is so impermanent, grasping is vain and clinging is futile but My renewal is forever and now at the same time. Love conforms to OUR vision, and I know you can see it now. You yearned to be 'called out' and so you have, but remember this: love also calls people out so today you are responsible to radiate who you are to others. The gift of who you are isn't just for yourself... GIVE AND RECEIVE... GIVE AND RECEIVE... GIVE AND RECEIVE! My invisible light has shined on the seed that was buried within you."

Today He called me LOVE.

I have a new ability to work miracles so now the minor stuff is casually overlooked. But know this: people won't easily find me (love that is) just because they're lovable.
No!
In order to be found you must promise love because I don't and I won't come automatically, nor am I to be forced because otherwise I wouldn't be love at all, now would I be?
But don't worry because if you unknowingly forget to promise love and are unfortunate to experience me now, you'll have many more chances in the life to come. When you die He has promised to show you the truth immediately. It's an experience of love, knowingness, and bliss because everything that is Him; flows from them.

Today He called me LOVE.

So that I could present one option to you all...

SURRENDER!

Because the person who does is always open and always observing. Surrender not to detach or avoid being touched but so that you can have enough space to find out what is real. Today I have been called love but we are ALL apart of something else. We all belong to ONE unity and that unity is love.

So this is love and today He called me LOVE. So this is ME and I give myself to YOU. ©

When the student is ready..

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, and went through the first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders... maybe there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one... But maybe there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he knows he had missed the biggest one, and he regretted it.

So, he went back to the teacher empty handed.

The teacher told him, "this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but later you realize, that you have already missed the person..."

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reached the middle of the field, he picked one medium corn that he feels satisfied with, and goes back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "This time you brought a corn back. You looked for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you can get... This is marriage."

Happy Valentine's Day

Can you hear me now?

Why people shout when angry....

A Hindu saint, who was visiting the river Ganges to take bath, found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.
"Why do people in anger shout at each other?"

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, "Because we lose our calm, we shout."

"But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner," asked the saint.

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained...

"When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…"

The saint continued, "When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other."

He looked at his disciples and said. "So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return."